sometimes its the path that you never even considered...

well...its pretty ironic that my first post in this blog will also be my only post...many of you may be wondering where in Morocco I am writing this entry from...and the answer is...Grand Rapids, MI

shocked? well...i can honestly say that i m still a little surprised as well...so here is my story of my short time in Morocco and the reason i m back home...

(i m sorry but this is gonna be really haphazard and not too detailed but i ve seriously been a little tired about talking about this on so many different occasions so if you want to ask more detailed questions please just email or call me or something...dulldavid@gmail.com or 415-517-2667)

i dont even know where to start...as many of you know, the peace corps seemed like the natural next step for me having recently completed my second term with americorps nccc...i had the idea that this was going to be the pinnacle of my personal development and that i would be completely done with finding out who i was and what i wanted to pursue in life...so, to sum it up in a nutshell, i found what i was looking for just not anywhere close to the timeframe i was expecting...

dont get me wrong...i met amazing people in morocco, both volunteers and locals...there wasnt a single aspect of the "peace corps lifestyle" that i couldnt have handled (turkish toilets included)...it slowly became apparent to me that there was no doubt that i COULD complete my term but it was a matter of whether i WANTED to anymore...it was a very hard decision for me to even contemplate while i was there...i have never given up on anything and i felt like i was letting down myself and everyone else just for thinking such thoughts...i had NEVER even considered leaving a possibility before i left...it literally had never even entered my mind...i just thought that i would go to morocco, complete my term, come back and know exactly what i had to do...so thats why i knew that something was different when i first thought those thoughts...i know myself well enough to know that it meant something...i have always done things rather impulsively and i have always followed my convictions, so me thinking those thoughts about possibly leaving werent just thoughts from me being scared or nervous or whatever...i knew it was for a reason...

i wont lie...meeting lindsey right before i left was a very interesting situation...right before i m supposed to leave for 2 years i find a reason why i totally want to stay...so in some ways i fall into the statistic about coming back for someone but that wasnt the only reason...i ll just put that out there...i know that most people will probably assume this reason first and to some extent they are correct...and for the record...i am very glad to be back home to her...she is the most amazing thing that could have happened to me

other reasons include...just it felt a little too familiar to me...it felt like AmeriCorps all over again...in both the good and the bad ways...but i guess i knew that i wanted to move on from my NCCC days...now dont get me wrong...the peace corps in morocco and AmeriCorps NCCC are completely different but i just got a strange deja vu ish vibe i guess...i guess that i was just expecting something else...

another reason was the pacing...i had gotten the sense that YES the peace corps would be an amazing experience but sometimes that might have involved a lot of down time and waiting around...the international pace of the way things work is extremely slower than the american way things work...and i just wasnt prepared for that...a part of me feels a little old at 27...and being one of the "older of the younger group" of volunteers made me just wish i was a couple of years younger...i felt that from the age of 27-29, i needed to engage myself more...in the end i just felt like i could do more here at home...its really as simple as that...i felt like the challenge would actually be greater here at home...which is a little strange i guess...but i felt like i could push myself more here...

it just wasnt the right time...i know its the right choice for me to be home here and i know that God has a reason for me to be home....like i said...i totally found what i was looking for from the peace corps...its just not at the time i expected...

so here i am...back in Grand Rapids, MI...i ve only been here a week but i have everything all set up...lindsey found me a place to live before i even came back into the country, she set me up with furniture and helped me settle in...i couldnt have asked for me...i got my insurance, a used car, my MI license...all i need now is a job...i m looking for a job with local non profit...anything...i ve actually been applying to some AmeriCorps position go figure...but very different from the program i did...i am excited about everything again...

i am very happy with my decision and am at peace with it...like i said...i know its the right choice...it was a tough one but the right one...

all i know is that if i m not doing something i 100% believe in, then i m not doing the right thing, no matter how good or bad it may look to others...so what lies on the road before me is the same it has always been...who knows

but its never done me wrong so far...